Finding an agent and letting someone read my book

Hello, and welcome to The Business of Psychology. I'm Dr Rosie Gildthorp, a clinical psychologist, and as will be very relevant to this miniseries that we're doing, a mum to three neurodivergent children, and a soon-to-be author. So this is a short series that I'm recording to let you behind the curtain as my journey publishing my first book, You Are Doing Enough. And I'm not doing this as a kind of polished, look how easy this was, success type story. I'm doing it because I know so many of you listening are therapists and psychologists who have your own book idea sitting somewhere, maybe in a drawer, maybe in the back of your head, and I really want you to hear what the process has actually been like, and, you know, my tips for getting that book out of your head and onto the page, if that's what you want to do.

Welcome back to part three of our miniseries about writing and publishing my first book, You Are Doing Enough, which is open for pre-orders at the moment. I have felt really self-indulgent doing this series, 'cause it's kind of like interviewing myself when I quite like interviewing other people about their books and their achievements. But I really hope that it's been useful for you so far to hear some of the internal processes that go on leading up to publication. And I just wanted to reiterate that I'm really sharing this because there was such a big part of me before I actually wrote the book that didn't believe that somebody like me could write a book that would be traditionally published. I just didn't think I had it in me to write something sort of this long and this complete. And I also wasn't really sure I had it in me to be as vulnerable as writing a book made me feel. So I'm gonna talk a bit more about that today, because now, if you've been following along with this journey, we're at the point where I decided that the book should be traditionally published, might be interesting enough to be traditionally published, and that meant that I had to go about seeking representation for the book. So I'm gonna talk a bit about that process, what that means, and also how it felt to do it today.

So firstly, for anybody who doesn't know how the publishing industry here in the UK works, if you want a book to be published by a traditional publisher who will put your book into bookshops, supermarkets if you're super lucky, and in the online marketplaces for you, so like, you know, Penguin, Little Brown, Routledge, those big names that you will have heard of before. If you want your book to be published by one of those, it is highly, highly recommended to reach out to literary agents and gain representation from an agent to broker your relationship with that publisher. So, we will be holding a webinar with my literary agent, Louise Buckley from Hannah Shepherd Literary Agency, where she will tell you so much more about how this relationship works. But what I do know is that an agent kind of collaborates with you to make sure that the book is in the best shape possible before they do what's called going out on submission, basically submitting it to editors at the publishers, to try and get a publishing deal for you. And the reason it's a really good idea to have an agent rather than doing it yourself is that agents are really skilled at understanding the market, knowing, you know, what's selling at the moment, what publishers are excited about at the moment. So they can help you put together a pitch for your book that is likely to be really enticing to the publisher, knowing what they know about the book publishing market. It'd be very, very difficult for you to get that expertise yourself. I know some people have done it, but it, I think that would be a real challenge. And so you're much likely to get a better deal or get a deal at all through an agent than you would be going directly to a publisher. Most publishers don't accept submissions anyway that don't come from agents, but a few do. But I'd still always recommend going with an agent for that reason, that they use their expertise to put together a really good pitch. They also, some agents, and Louise is one of them, will work with you developmentally on the manuscript for your book. So they'll actually make it a better book with you before you go out on submission to give you that best chance, which that was something that was really important to me, that's one of the reasons that I chose Louise. So if you want that kind of support, finding an agent who does offer that, I think is really helpful.

The other reason is financial. So Louise and agents like her, they know the industry really well, and they're skilled negotiators. So they will negotiate the contract for you with the publisher and make sure that you get the best advance that you can get, but also the best rates for things like royalties, which is how you get paid for every book that gets sold. So Louise is gonna talk loads more about that in our webinar, but, you know, those are the reasons that you should look for an agent and why I was thinking I should probably start looking around for an agent when I got to the end of writing the manuscript, or the first draft of the manuscript anyway for You Are Doing Enough.

So it was literally on my radar. It must've been early November, and I was just putting the finishing touches to what I called my first draft of You Are Doing Enough. In reality, now I understand the lingo a little bit more of how authors talk about their books. In reality, what I called the first draft was not a first draft. I had rewritten every chapter many times in the process of writing it. So yeah, I'd finished a manuscript that I was reasonably happy with, which I was calling a first draft, but in reality was probably more like draft four or five. And I was starting to think, "Okay, I understand that I need an agent." I knew that from, you know, authors I've talked to on the podcast before, and beginnings of books that I'd written before and started to think about publishing. So I got out a book called ' The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook', And I started going through the Writers' and Artists' Yearbook to see, you know, what agents potentially represent the kind of nonfiction that I was writing, which is more narrative nonfiction rather than, like, a textbook. Because it's really important, I knew this, it's really important to find an agent who is excited about the kind of book that you're writing and that is looking for books like yours already. Because agents receive so many submissions, like so many, it really frightened me. Louise was saying they can receive, like, 1,000 a week.Good agents like Louise will read all their submissions, but it, you know, they have to apply quite a quick filter to whether it looks like a good fit for them. I knew that if you were sending in letters to agents who weren't looking for the kind of book that you were writing, that you would never hear back from them, because they just don't have the ability to get back to 1,000 people a week. That's insane. And so I knew that it was important to find the right person for the book, and I was also really terrified about sharing the work with somebody that, you know, might not understand the story or wouldn't understand why it was important. And if you've ever kind of poured your heart and soul into something that you've worked on for a long time, which I know most of you will have, you know how vulnerable it feels submitting it for feedback. I wasn't naive. Like, I knew I've never written a book before, there's gonna be loads of feedback, some of it will be really difficult for me to hear probably. I want to be hearing it from somebody that I know has the same sort of values as me, so then I can put my trust in that person to help me shape this into the kind of book that I want it to be in the world. So for lots of different reasons, I knew getting the right agent was really important.

So I was having a look in the Writers' and Artists' Yearbook, 'cause that's what I'd been told was the right thing to do to find an agent. I was also doing a bit of Googling, and to be honest, I just felt, like, lost. I honestly felt confused. I didn't understand a lot of the terminology that was being used. I couldn't work out, kind of, what genre I was really writing in. Was it nonfiction, narrative nonfiction? I just didn't really get it. And I couldn't work out whether I would connect with any of these agents, and so I was starting to get into that kind of overwhelmed place that I know is familiar to many of us when we're jumping into something that feels uncertain and unknown. And I'd actually planned to procrastinate until January, because I just felt like it was a decision I wasn't gonna be able to make that side of Christmas, and I didn't really wanna push myself to do it. And then I logged on to my Substack, where I'd started writing a bit about SEND parenting, almost as like an experiment really to see whether I really was okay with putting this stuff out there. And so I logged on to my Substack and was just having a little scroll through the feed on there, and I saw a post from a literary agent called Louise Buckley, who was demystifying publishing. Louise does Q&As on there, and she had written a really helpful article, I think about what an agent needs to see from you. And I was like, "Oh, that's brilliant. That's really good," 'cause I have felt completely mystified by the world of publishing. That's useful. So I gave her a follow. And then I, kinda clicked through to her website on the Hannah Shephard site and noticed that in her section where she describes what she's looking for, what books she's looking to represent, it was like she was literally describing my book. I think, it was something like she was looking for nonfiction from psychologists and had a particular interest in neurodiversity, something like that. And I was like, "Okay, I feel like the universe might be giving me a sign." So I decided to send in my manuscript to Louise, and very helpfully, because Louise is quite passionate about helping people who might not sort of naturally understand how publishing works to get into the publishing industry, she has loads of really helpful resources on her website that explain what you need to submit and exactly how to do it, like templates, and what makes the letter you need to send, which is called a query letter, and your proposal for a nonfiction book, and your sample chapters. Like, what exactly you need to send, what needs to be in it, and how to make it good. So I followed all of her guidance, and it was a bit tight because by that point, they actually closed for submissions, I think it was, like, mid-November, and they won't open again until February. And I was like, now I've decided that I really want this woman to see my manuscript, I've gotta get it in by the submission deadline. And so I did. I worked really hard to, to get that done because I just had this really strong, instinctive feeling that Louise was the right person for my book. And then I managed to do it. It was such a learning curve. I found writing the letter really hard, because in the letter you have to kind of say why you think this is a good book and why you're the right person to write it. And in all the episodes that I recorded in the summer about, like, writing about yourself, writing your directory site profile, writing for your website, I touched on how difficult that can be. Like, owning your expertise, saying, "Hey, I am the right person to listen to on this topic," is really challenging, and I got a massive mental block about it. So you know, I wouldn't show you my letter as a good example because I'm not convinced it was. I worked really hard on it, but it, you know, it felt really unnatural to me to write it. So I probably went through, I don't know, 10 drafts of the query letter. Even worse, writing the synopsis of what actually happens in the book. That just felt like moving through lead. Like, every part of me resisted it. If it hadn't been such a tight deadline to get it done, I'm not sure I actually would have. But that incentive that this was the person I wanted to read my book, and if I didn't get it done by the end of the week, she wasn't going to, got me kind of over the line, and I did manage to do it. So then I got all of that in, and then you have to wait. And because they're receiving, like, a thousand submissions a week, you have to wait a long time. And that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Something Louise has really stressed to me is that, you know, they will just kind of wade through their pile, and if they're really excited about your book, then they'll get back to you quite quickly, but they might just have not seen it yet, so don't read too much into how long the waiting period is like. I knew obviously I was gonna be waiting up until the new year. It felt really unlikely that Louise would be able to get back to me before Christmas.

So I kind of resigned myself to waiting, and it helped a little bit that I was following Louise on Substack, so I, you know, I felt some connection with her and she'd actually commented on a couple of my pieces, and I was commenting on hers. And so I did feel like we had a bit of a conversation going over there, which was nice. But it was still just super vulnerable. I think the only other time in my life I felt like that was after my interview for Salomons, because back then, I don't know if they still do, but Salomons, like, really tried to get under your skin in the interview and, you know, they asked you about very deep personal issues, and then kind of not a lot was done to kind of close that box before you left, and so it felt really, really, really vulnerable. Like, I've shown you all of this of myself, and you might just reject it, and that's exactly how I felt about the book. I felt like, "Oh my God, I've shown you everything." If you then say, "Oh my goodness, this is horrible," it's going to feel like a, a rejection of me. So that was really, really vulnerable. But I just kind of held on to the fact that I felt I'd sent the book to the right person, and that I would trust the feedback that she gave me about it, and that even if that feedback was, "This is not good for the market," I would learn something valuable from that, and I would not be deterred from the mission that I had to share this message with the world. I might need to repackage it. I might need to rewrite the whole thing. But this was a message I was pretty determined by that point I wanted to share. So I kind of held firm to all of that and let the, like, imposter syndrome and fear rage around me while I waited.

And then eventually she did get back to me, and it was very positive, you know, right the way from the beginning of our conversations. Which it was, I had a really odd reaction to that, I have to say. My kids thought it was really strange. So I got the email from Louise with a really positive response asking me to send over a bit more information, a bit more of the manuscript, and it was such a shock that my nervous system basically responded with a bit of a collapse response. I made like, a weird noise, and kind of collapsed onto the sofa. And that's not like me at all. I think, you know, normally whether it's good news or bad news, I tend to not react very strongly to things and then the reaction kind of comes slowly over time. So the children didn't understand what had happened at all. I was "I'm very happy I think." But actually it was a really strange feeling, which I think was like a mix maybe of excitement but also like extreme vulnerability, feeling really exposed. And I guess it felt really surreal because publishing a book has actually been a dream of mine since I was a child, and it was just something I didn't think was gonna happen for me. So it almost felt like it was happening too fast. Like, I'm not used to getting something that I want that quickly, yeah, there's so much to unpack there, isn't there? But I think a lot of us have stories about, you know, having to work extremely hard and do something really difficult in order to be rewarded, before we deserve that reward. And I hadn't found writing the book difficult, ever. As I mentioned in the first and the second episode, the actual process of writing the book for me was purely pleasurable. And I suppose in other things I've done in my life that have, you know, given me accolades or recognition, I've always had to do something for them that I found incredibly difficult. And other than writing the query letter to Louise, which I did find difficult, the book had been really pleasurable. And so getting positive recognition and feedback for something that hadn't been, like, bone-crushingly hard, just felt unexpected and odd to me. And I just wanted to talk about that because that was a total shock, and I felt like this isn't how I should react to it. I felt like I should have had a more 100% positive reaction to something that is that positive. But yeah, the body does what it does, doesn't it? So I had to take myself off, do a bit of yoga, a bit of grounding, sort of get back into myself before I could send my response to her. And since that moment, I think my reactions have been more positive. Like, when we kind of signed our contract to work together, I felt real excitement. When we got the deal with the publisher and I met my editor for the first time at Little Brown, I felt really positive and excited about that. But I definitely, I had to work through this period of feeling a little bit undeserving, I think, before I could get to that point where the excitement really felt wholehearted. So I just wanted to share that because I think that is probably a common experience, but it's just not one that many people talk about because it's a bit weird.

The final thing I wanted to talk about was the experience of actually receiving feedback from Louise, because this took me by surprise. I expected, because I felt so vulnerable about submitting the manuscript, I was concerned about how I would respond to constructive feedback. And that's part of the reason that I was so excited to work with Louise because I knew that she, like, really took pleasure and pride in helping people work on their manuscripts, and I wanted somebody who would do that with me. So I'd really signed up for it, but I was also really anxious that my brain might struggle and that that kind of imposter syndrome, the critical voice might get really strong around the kind of constructive criticism. And actually, I had a very pleasant surprise, possibly because that was my expectation. Of course, Louise has given me constructive feedback on the manuscript, and I've been nothing but excited to make the book better. So, so far, feedback has felt like fun stuff for me to do to, to make the book shine. I really haven't had to deal with really strong self-critical thoughts related to the feedback. The thing that does continue to trouble me, and I feel like I ride a bit of a rollercoaster with this, is sometimes I'm really excited about reaching lots of people with the message, and I feel really secure and positive in that. And other times, I start to have a bit of a wobble about the amount that I'm sharing of my family's life, and I get really anxious about it, and I'll have some sleepless nights over it, and I'll go back to the manuscript and check that I really am sort of values aligned with everything that's in there. And so that, that does keep sort of pulling backwards and forwards, but I think it will because it really matters to me. I'm not really expecting that struggle to end because if it did, that would probably indicate that I'd stopped caring, and I think as long as I really care about my family and I really care about this mission, there's always going to be a push/pull. So I'm kind of learning to deal with that being there within me rather than thinking that it's gonna ease up, and I'm expecting it's actually gonna get much worse when it gets closer to publication date and I'm out there doing a lot of promotional stuff. And maybe people in interviews ask me questions that don't feel so comfortable.

So that's kind of where we're at at the moment. I will be sharing another three episodes on the process of publishing closer to publication date. And before then, we will have our webinar with Louise where she can answer all of your questions and talk a lot more in depth about the process of getting a book from idea onto the shelf and into the hands of your ideal readers. So I really hope it's been useful to hear a little bit about my personal story of getting this book from idea to submission to an agent, and I'm excited to share the next bit of the story with you as well a little bit later in the year.

Thank you so much for being with me, and please do let me know if you have specific questions that you'd really like me to answer in the subsequent episodes. I'm gonna be doing lots more interviews with psychologists and therapists who are also authors as well. So if you've got questions about publication process or the process of writing a book that you'd either like me to answer, or you'd like me to ask some of the guests that I've got coming up in the next series of The Business of Psychology, please do let me know. You can find me on Instagram. My business account is @rosiegilderthorp. My SEND parenting account is @drrosiegilderthorp. Message me on either of those with your ideas for the pod, and I'd be very, very happy to incorporate those into our next few bookish episodes.

If anything I've shared today felt familiar, whether that's the terrible imposter syndrome, the early mornings, or just wondering if your idea is good enough, I'd love you to come further along this journey with me. When you pre-order You Are Doing Enough, you get free access to Get Your Book Published, a live webinar I'm running with literary agent Louise Buckley from Hannah Shepherd Literary Agency. We'll walk through exactly how to turn an idea like yours into a real published book, and there's a live Q&A at the end for your specific questions for Louise. So pre-order the book using the link in the show notes, and fill out a 30-second form with your order number, and you're in. I'd really love to see you there and help you make your book a reality